I have been married to my husband for almost 35 years, although we were separated for the first 20. While we were separated I did have a long relationship , but he didn’t. In the 15 or so years we’ve been reunited, we have had communication issues the entire time, and intimacy issues for the past nine years or so. During this time I have tried I think is my best, to help him understanding what it means to be in a relationship and how to be supportive. I have tried everything that I could think of to help him understand what I need from him. He makes promises and does not follow through, I am at my wits end, and ready to leave. I have stayed this long because God blessed us with a beautiful little girl during the first year of a reconciliation. I did this because I did not have the benefit of having my father in my life as I was growing up , And I wanted so very badly for her to grow up in a stable and peaceful home. I have come to the realization now that I am not giving her the life I desire for her, and that the home environment is not a peaceful one. I would love to be able to resolve these issues, but I do not know where to start. My heart is broken, I have a lot of resentment, and I am seeking peace.
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A female reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (29 September 2018):
I am in the same age range as you are and I will tell you that at this point in my life my attitude is that life is too short to be unhappy. Every day is something to cherish because let’s face it…more than likely 2/3rds of our life has gone by. If you aren’t happy why are you staying in the marriage? If you don’t find comfort, satisfaction and enjoy his company WHY are you there? I won’t even get into the 20 year separation because that is just something I can’t even fathom. Your child knows if the two of you aren’t happy together so staying together for their sake is really not a good idea. Children adapt and can thrive when parents divorce if its done peacefully with both parents giving the child the love and support that they need. I agree with Wiseowl that you should most certainly seek out counseling. Whether it be through a church or a professional or both. Every day is passing you by and you aren’t happy. If you feel resentful it will only continue to fester unless you deal with it. I was in a very unhappy abusive marriage (married to an alcoholic) for a long time till I woke up one day and thought “WHY? I deserve better!” Dont you?
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (29 September 2018):
A 20 year separation in a marriage is quite unusual. It seems to have been loveless and mismatched all from the beginning.This seems very much like a situation where you thought you could change him. You don’t seem to grasp what it means to be incompatible. You tried to make him understand what it means to be in a relationship. Shouldn’t he have learned that during your courtship before you got married?You should seek some professional-counseling to deal with your emotional distress; because all the anxiety and issues you have, seem projected onto the marriage. It doesn’t follow why you’ve clung to this marriage so long; while getting absolutely nothing out of it. Counseling will help you reach that conclusion.
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