I’ve just found out that my husband (who’s 26) cheated on me with a young male model (22) and introduced our kids (4/M and 5/F) to him, told the model “I’m leaving my wife for you!|; from my husband’s brother.
It wasn’t out of jealousy (my husband’s brother is 37 and happily married, got teenage kids) that my brother-in-law told me this, but out of concern. He’s nicknamed “Wise Owl” by friends and family, and situatiosn like this could explain it.My brother-in-law said he’d been told in confidence by my husband (that my husband was gay) and he felt he had to tell me because he likes being a good uncle to our kids.There were no signs my husband was gay, our relationship was good. I didn’t even have any suspicions of cheating on me.It doesn’t help that I’ve found photos of this male model and my husband wearing MY BIKINIS stored on our computer and my iPad, what the fuck??Apparently my husband wants to move to LA with this guy (where the 21-year-old is based) and live there permanently.I know LA is expdnsive to live in and i doubt my husband knows the first thing about LA.I feel crushed, the guy I’d been with since I was 16 does this?I don’t have a great support network, and my only sister lives in Canada, so it’s not easy to see her.I’m worried about the future, what to do next.Please help me!
View related questions: cheated on me, confidence, crush, jealous
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (29 September 2018):
First lets clear-up one thing. My pen-name used here on DC is WiseOwlE; but I am not the individual the OP is making reference to. Clearly, if your husband has sprung out of the closet and plans to leave you; there’s little else you can do, but get a good divorce attorney. Make sure that you and your children are properly provided for.Have you confronted your husband about all this? Is this being kept hush-hush, and strictly relies on what your brother-in-law told you? Odd you haven’t had a discussion with your husband about all this.You will have to prepare to be a single-mother. So if you haven’t worked for awhile; you need to dust-off your job-skills, and start looking for employment.I’m so curious as to how your brother-in-law knows all this? Even down to what your husband has said to the model, and all the details of his plans with the guy. Why would he tell him before he’d tell his own wife? Perhaps he used his brother as his messenger of doom? Until he can summon the nerve.At this point, it’s all hearsay until you discuss it with your husband. Just prepare for the truth.I know the inclination will be to have a nasty knock-down drag-out divorce; and an even nastier child-custody battle. I caution you to go easy on the children. They are old enough to understand conflict; and it can cause severe developmental-problems and acting-out. I know this is very traumatic for you, but no matter what you do; keep your babies well-protected from the fall-out.I personally don’t believe things will go as well for your husband’s plans as he thinks. A 21 year-old model’s lifestyle may be in total contrast to the domestic-life he is accustomed to. The guy being that young and relying on his looks to make a living; your husband will have to deal with a lot of vanity and youthful impetuousness. In simple words, he will miss you, his kids, and his simpler life. Life in LA is fast-paced, quite expensive, very youth-oriented; and the gay-scene is narcissistic and class-conscious. His model-friend will want a glamorous life; and if your husband can’t afford it, or doesn’t have a profession that has good earning-potential. Don’t expect the affair to outlast a year tops!The transition between lifestyles alone will be a killer. He’s caught-up in the moment, and the model is painting flashy pictures for him. For all practical purposes, we shall say allegedly! Until you’ve spoken to your husband, you don’t know the whole truth. He better have a profession that can easily and quickly gain him employment in America. Then there will be issues with immigration, and obtaining the appropriate immigration papers. It’s not as smooth and simple as the thinks. Many dreams die in LA; and becoming financially-established is not an easy one. He will also find himself being scrutinized by the model’s peers; and for someone unaccustomed to the party scene and superficial-world that most models know, that too will be a killer. Years back, I got a taste of the modeling world, and I hated it!!! It’s full of backbiting, gossip, jealousy, competitive, and boundless conceit. I quit, served in the Air Force; then went to college, and got a good job!If he hasn’t yet come to you; it’s up to you to confront him about it. Why he would delay? I can’t imagine; unless he haschanged his mind.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 September 2018):
Well, OPFirst step would be go get a STD test. NOT because gays have more STD’s – but because your husband MIGHT have screwed around with other men too. YOUR health is vital for you as you will progress into single motherhood.Secondly, I would start to prepare to be a single mother of 2. There is just no way in Hades I’d let my husband run off to LA with my kids and some barely legal sex partner. So that means, you need to look into WHERE you can afford to live, set a budget, if you aren’t working, well finding a job asap and daycare for the kids.YOU need to prepare.Let’s say he decides NOT to go. DO you still want to be married to him? After he USED you like this? After he cheated on you?The gender of the new sex-partner is kind of irrelevant, it could have been a woman he wanted to run off with.He needs to get a work permit and visa before this notion is even doable for him (NOT THAT it’s a concern to you!)YOU need to contact a solicitor and consider filing for divorce and child-support ASAP.I would also be careful with how much info you share with your Brother in law. If he can tell you something that was confidential between him and his brother… he might also tell his brother YOUR plans.While I understand WHY he told you – this was your husbands secret to share and SHOULD have been something your husband had told you YEARS ago, BEFORE kids and marriage. However, here we are. So you need to make a to do list.JOBDAYCAREPLACE to LIVESolicitorEtc.
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