I went through a lot of things as a child and as a teen. I went through these things completely alone. I couldn’t talk to my parents because they were very judgmental and cold. They always found a way to make you feel like things were your fault. It was always don’t let anybody do things to you. My siblings and I tried to tell them how difficult they were and how we couldn’t talk to them but they get very dismissive and offended. They didn’t really bother teaching us anything in life. They just gave us rules that we were expected to follow and breaking those rules always resulting in a beating. The beatings were “out of love” to “keep us in line.” I personally feel it was an excuse to say they did their best to prevent bad decisions. The beatings weren’t scary, if only they knew what I’ve been through they probably would’ve realized this.
I suffered in silence. To this day my secrets are still my own. I turned out okay but I still find it hard to open up to others. I am married now and my husband know today’s me but he doesn’t know anything that I’ve been through. I made some bad decisions like a child trying to cope with pain on their own would. Nothing too bad but regrettable nonetheless. We talked about our past but I always paint this picture that makes it seem like I had a normal childhood with loving and caring parents. Don’t get me wrong, I know now that my parents do love me, they just didn’t know how to parent at all. I don’t blame them for the things that I’ve been through I do wish I could’ve opened up to them, maybe then I would’ve dealt with my pain in a healthier way. My husband knows that I don’t like to open up, he knows I hate conflict. Instead of having a healthy argument with him to work through a problem, I’d rather just leave it alone and not talk about it until it’s no longer on our minds. He doesn’t know the history of why I can’t be open. How do I tell him something that I kept from him for over a decade?
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 November 2018):
Maybe start with a therapist, so you can learn how to open up and the best way to approach him.And maybe also figure out HOW important it is to SHARE your past. I think everyone have some “dark corners” of their lives they rather not share or go back to. He met you and got to know you. Maybe not your entire past but there might also be things about him that HE hasn’t shared.And learn how to “fight fair” when having arguments. That takes practice, you can’t use your past as an excuse for not fighting fair in an argument.Now, I’m not saying DON’T share your past but I think you could benefit from some counseling as to how to go about it. And maybe also figure out why you “lied” your past into a more convenient nice childhood.
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