I always seem to be the one to ask my husband when he is taking time off work. he is a sales man so out 4 days a week up and down the motorways. he never complains that he ever needs to take time off or says he is fed up so needs to have a break so I assume he is happy with his job. he told me he does want to take time off and he always uses his holidays up in the year. Im fed up with always being the one to say have time off and I feel if I did not ask him he would just carry on week after week doing the same thing. I want him to have fun and not just work and work and that’s it. yes we all have to work but you can have a life as well. we go out at weekends for a walk and in the week and we go the cinema and a meal a few times a month but that is it. I have asked myself if he is the right one for me even after 20+ years together. I think he is stuck in a rut and if it wasn’t for me he would just work and work and live for the weekends. we have argued about this for a long time and he says it causes bad feelings between us but it like he does not want to hear the truth and just wants me to put up with it and keep quiet.im sick of it all and yes I get sick of him too. what do other peoples partner do and who is the one to suggest to take time off. am I wrong for how I feel abut this. I asked him many a times to take a day off out of the blue just to do something different and it took him years to finally do it and that was only because I asked him too. he said he cannot just say to his boss he is taking time off just like that but I told him all he as to do is give him notice he is taking time off when he wants to take it. I have wondered is it because he does not want to be off to be with me thou he always tells me he only wants me. he is 52 and I am 48.
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (21 March 2019):
He’s approaching retirement-age on a salesman’s job. I must assume he’s paid on commission. He has quotas to meet, and being a senior-employee; probably has a lot of younger competition on the job. Not only is he caught in a rut; but I think he sees age catching-up with him. He’s trying his best to shine and make as much money as he possibly can. As employees reach middle-age; employers are not always kind or considerate, and all they care about is the bottom-line. They expect your age to either slow you down, or make you less productive. They don’t like paying retirement-benefits either! Older-employees don’t have the luxury of moving-on to another job as they could back in their 20’s and 30’s. You often take a pay-cut. Starting-over in your 50’s on a new job isn’t what it might have been a few years ago. People rarely work to retirement at the same job anymore; unless they’re upper-execs, or founders of the company. Everybody else works at the company’s leisure and discretion.He may not mention it to you; if he is failing to meet his quotas, or if there is a slack in business. He just wants to provide for you. Does he get bonuses and awards for outstanding sales? Is there much recognition for his hard work? If not, they probably keep raising the bar!Being a workaholic myself, my partner owns his own business; and often reminds me that we need our time-off to recharge and avoid burnout. His business is booming, he’s the boss. He has a staff to run things; but I have higher execs over me, so I have to answer to an executive-hierarchy. I was forgoing vacation-time, and had racked-up quite a bit of hours; until he put his foot down. So we took some great vacations over the past summer. I was passed-over for previous promotions; but then suddenly given a huge position and a big raise. I would have killed myself; if my partner hadn’t slowed me down. Trying too hard to prove myself worthy of my job. I know it was discrimination that hindered my advancement. Things changed at the top, and somebody moved some mountains. I beat-out several other candidates for my promotion.Maybe your husband likes being on the road. He is aware of his age, and his company may not be that appreciative of their senior-employees. He wants to keep-up and probably outshine his competition on the job. It’s hurting his marriage and his home-life. He’s stubborn, and it’s not easy slowing-down a workhorse; if he fears they might set him out to pasture. He may not want them to get too used to him not being around. Afraid others will surpass his performance.Put your foot down. That’s what it took for me. You have to convince him that his job is becoming a strain on your marriage. Don’t pussyfoot around, be straightforward. Let him know how serious it is; and being your husband is more important than just being somebody’s employee. He’s your partner for life; and he owes you his time and effort, as much as he gives to his job.
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