Hi people I really need some advice I’ve been with my partner for 6 years we have a 4 year old daughter I have a son from a previous relationship we’ve been having problems this last year I caught him watching porn which normally would not of bothered me but we haven’t had sex for 6 months he sleeps in the spare room I have asked him to come back to bed but he won’t he does everything possible to avoid me like for instance today I got up he had gone to work he had been home 10 mins then I had to go to work I got home he sat for 15 mins then went to his mates and he is still not back 3 hours later he is very secretive with his phone always in his pocket he avoids me whenever he can I don’t depend on him financially i manage fine with money i pay most of the bills i just don’t know what to do other than end the relationship I have tried asking if anything is bothering him or if he’s stressed to which he replies no everything’s good I just don’t know what to do thank you for any answers
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 May 2019):
Next time he says “everything’s good” you need to say “well, it isn’t good for ME”. You are being very passive about all this. You ASK him to come back to bed. You ASK him if anything is bothering him. Is it because you are worried about losing him? I understand you can manage fine financially but, obviously, there is more to consider here.Porn is just “relief”. It requires no effort on the part of the watcher. His watching porn would be way down my list of worries if I was in your shoes. What would worry me far more would be his avoidance of spending time with you and his being secretive with his phone. You need to take a firmer stance and demand he tells you what is going on. If he still refuses, you need to be prepared to tell him you are not prepared to continue as things are and to walk away. However, make sure he contributes financially towards his child and also, as much as possible, that he stays a hands on father. People will only treat us the way we ALLOW them to treat us. Demand to be treated as you deserve because you KNOW you deserve better. Wishing you all the best. Hugs.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 May 2019):
Have you told him straight out that you FEEL like there is no relationship, no intimacy and really NO point in being together when all he does is avoid you?You have to look at what you have with him and decide am I fulfilled here? Is he a good dad or barely involved?You can fix a broken relationship without his input and help, but you CAN end it.Being secretive about his phone doesn’t mean much, except he wants privacy to do whatever on it. If you in the past has snooped he might be more inclined to keep it close.Maybe if you two fought over porn, he keeps it close so you won’t see it.What has happened this last year (besides the porn issue) that has lead to this? Anything stand out?Think about and talk to him. It’s nice that you were checking to see if things bother him or stress him, bow its time to let him know what bothers YOU.
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