Hello all. I am male 33 and married, and doing fairly well in life. I feel stuck in life, stuck in my past memories, people who were near to me once upon a time I miss them so much. I feel so lonely and lost all the time, as if the world has moved on and I am stuck in time. The people I had feelings for are all grown and evolved, busy with their lives and making their carriers. My memories are dead ,burried and forgotten long back but I am stuck with those memories because I used to feel good about myself back then but not anymore. I was a self centered person who liked the attention when I was young and lived my life to the fullest. But people I liked either drifted apart overtime or rejected me and over the years I gradually came to realisation that people’s life didnt revolve around me and they had a much larger life outside my world, maybe that’s the reason they aren’t in my life anymore. I lived in my own paradise and I laugh about it now when I look back. In short, I miss being missed and now I hardly matter to anybody after all these years and I feel numb and I am silent. I have become very introvert person and like to be alone most of the time, I have put on a lot of weight and my health has degraded overtime as I approached my thirties. I have lost all my confidence and miss my old life of being active and fun loving as if it was a dream. Maybe I just need closure with them and just want to know how they are doing in life and this will maybe soothe my constant sadness, who knows. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings and constant sadness and dispair. Please help
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (31 October 2018):
Bruce Springsteen wrote a song about people like you called “Glory Days”. It’s about people who live off their high school accomplishments and constantly re-live them in their middle aged lives while sitting in a bar and reminiscing with anyone who will listen. Of course, everyone else has moved on except for those people who can’t let go, so they waste their lives away.There’s an old adage that adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals it. Your fundamental issue is that you’re no longer the supremely talented superstar that naturally outperforms everyone else without trying very hard. Well, that legacy is now your adversity. Do you have the courage and determination to prove your mettle, or are you just a pussy that cowers in fear at the slightest hint of adversity? Right now, you’re acting like a pussy in the face of adversity. I suspect, however, that you’re not a pussy. I suspect that you have within you the mental toughness to overcome this adversity. Box up your old trophies and memorabilia and put them away. Set some personal goals to get back in shape and compete. Compete in local events like runs and whatnot, but compete against yourself, not everyone else.I, for one, rarely reminisce, I almost always look forward. The past is the past. It’s fun to re-live those times every now and then, but they’re just good memories, nothing more.
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