I’m just looking for some advice on a situation.Basically I really like a girl and have done so for a long time, but I never really felt I had a chance with her so didn’t try.Recently, for some reason, she became a lot more interested in being around me. The difference was very obvious and we spent a lot of time together for a week. I know a week isn’t much but it was such a huge difference it really felt like something. She often gave me signs that she could be interested in me during that time. I asked her basically on a date, she said yes and seemed really happy, but a few days later when i tried to arrange it she was unsure, and then finally wanted to go with her friends too.She suddenly changed since the day before i asked her on the date, seems to try to avoid me. ignores me on social media. I never see her in the places I used to see her. Some days she is normal again, happy, smiling, talkative, warm towards me but always totally ignores me on social media and will be cold the next day.She is very very focused on her studies and I know she is studying hard these days, but the fact she is always on social media and has changed from interacting with everything i post to completely ignoring everything it feels intentional.I like her a lot, but i feel that she wouldn’t be 100% sure i like her yet and a mutual friend said she thinks she doesn’t know i like her.If I was successful with her, it would inevitably become long distance in 6 months time.I really feel there was a connection and interest and now it feels so awkward. I have to see her often but she is very closed, won’t look at me, keeps her back to me etc. sometimes she seems very shy.Most of my friends tell me she just isn’t interested, maybe she felt i was interested so backed away.However another friend told me that maybe she did like me but doesn’t know i like her, so wants to hide it to not get hurt (she is a very shy girl and doesnt seem to talk to guys generally), or she does like me and just feels she cannot be distracted because it would become long distance, because of her studies (her grades were bad recently and she was stressed) etc so she is trying to put distance between us now.I am not sure which would be true, I was just wondering if it is ever possible for the 2nd option to be possible or are my friends just trying to comfort me? I really like her a lot and want to tell her how i feel, but if she is uncomfortable i don’t want to make her feel worse and its hard to get a good moment to tell her in the current atmosphere. I never liked someone this much before, so although i’m sure most people will tell me to give up i don’t feel i can whilst i am confused about her feelings.I’m worried that if i dont tell her, if its possible she is acting this way as she feels something and doesnt want to get hurt, that i could lose the chance.I’m also worried if i tell her, she may become more uncomfortable around me.What do you think i should do?
View related questions: long distance, shy
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 March 2019):
You know, YOU asked her out on a date – so she KNOWS you like her and wanted to spend time one-on-one. SHE KNOWS.Asking her friends is pointless. NEVER involve someone’s friends in a “romantic set-up or questions. Because 1. they might have a different agenda (like wanting to set her up with someone else) 2. they don’t know because she doesn’t spill her guts or 3 they are TRYING to “turn you down gently FOR her. The thing is, by going to them… YOU will not get the truth. You should ASK her straight up, you aren’t 12 anymore. Personally? If you two can’t even TALK to each other what’s the point in pursuing her? Sure, you THINK you really like her but she doesn’t SEEM to want to take the risk of getting to know you further.LET her go. If you are also out of there in 6 months it might just be all for nought because NEITHER of you two seem to want to make the first move.And even IF she is SUPER SHY, she isn’t dumb. A guy doesn’t ask her out if he ISN’T interested. And if you have talked to TWO of her friends… it DEFINITELY has gotten BACK to her that you are interested.This isn’t about whether you “can” give up how you feel. I get it, you LIKE her. BUT I just don’t think SHE likes YOU in the same way. Her pulling back to this degree tells ME (and should tell YOU) that she NO LONGER is interested and is TRYING to spare your feelings.It SUCKS to have a crush on someone who DOESN’T reciprocate. But it happens. Hence the name “crush”.You CAN tell her, but be prepared to be rejected or her running for the hills hoping you GET the drift.
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