So I have been with this woman for 18 months. Our relationship has been perfect so far, no arguements, always get on. Today she had an arguement with a friend and was not very happy after. She sent me a message saying she was going for a walk and thinking about getting something sweet to snack on but seemed unsure. I made a suggestion of some fruits and yoghurt as well as her icecream suggestion. However, she feels that I meant that she should not have ice cream because it will make her fat. This has now started an arguement between the two of us, with her not really believing me saying I never meant it in that context.
I did call her to explain but I don’t think she’s believing meWhat should I do?
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A male reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 March 2019):
And this is how your own insecurities can wreck your relationships. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. An insecure person tends to self sabotage relationships. If a person is self conscious about their appearance they tend to look for ulterior motives in the people who are attracted to them. If a person feels less than equal to their partner that tends to have them thinking their partner must be cheating.All of this unfounded suspicion leads to relationship turmoil. In this case, Our OP is trying to patch up her feelings because he likes healthy food. is it because he perceives her as overweight, or is it because she perceives herself as overweight? For future reference, next time she wants to get a sweet treat, say, “could you pick me up a fruit and yogurt so I won’t feel left out?”
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A female reader, CindyCares + ♥, writes (20 March 2019):
At first I just wanted to answer : don’t worry, she was moody and cranky after the argument with her friend, so she took your comment the wrong way ; don’t harp on it and she’ll soon forget about it.But , at a second look, your post is more curious and interesting than it sounded at first. I guess we should have a little more context to come up with something useful.For instance : why the weight subject did come up at all ? and why did you feel you had to make your suggestion ? I mean, I guess that if your gf is rail thin , or in perfect shape, the issue of fat-shaming would not have even crossed her mind. So I suppose that she is a little, or a lot , overweight, or anyway that she is not happy about her real or perceived extra weight.And, are you ? How do you deal normally with this issue ? Do you already know that weight or shape is an issue for her ? Does she know that you find her absolutely attractive just the way she is ? Or have you imprudently been raving about some skinny or hard- bodied celeb or model ? Do you often give ger unrequited advice about health, fitness and diet ?…Now, I don’t mean that you’d have to tiptoe around her insecurities and never mention food or sport or fitted clothing in order not to trigger her.But you’ll admit, I hope, that it is sort of a weird conversation ,if she says ” I think I am gonna get myself some icecream ” and you pip up : ” no, fruit and yoghurt instead ” ! . I mean , it’s just an ice cream, not radioactive cobalt ! , if once in a while she wants ice cream she does not need or require your alternative , healthier suggestion, can’t she just get what she wants without taking a poll ? ? This particularly if she is NOT fat, but even if she could stand to lose a few pounds,- maybe , while she was upset and unhappy, it was not the best moment to remind her of it. I believe that you had good intentions and you never meant anything derogatory with your comment. OTH, for her to react this way, there must be something else, something ” wrong ” – or improvable- that cropped up already in your relationship , about her shape or her food choices or the way you see her or the way she wants you to see her etc.. Either that, or you just got the classical psycho GF, which I hope it’s not the case ! 🙂
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