I recently hooked up a couple of times with a guy who lives in London. (I live about five hours away from London). We met online and the first time he came to visit me, and I’ve been to visit him.
The problem is, our lifestyles are completely different. I’m 9-5, and he’s an actor who’s currently very successful in theatre. We both obviously have very strong feelings for eachother, but acknowledged that we’re very incompatible due to our lifestyles so agreed to transition to friends from dating etc. While ‘dating’ we spend hours on the phone each night. It’s a weird one becuase although we only met twice, the feelings are intense. So he’s now sticking to his word and transitioning to friends. We still talk via text, but he will make a point of replying to me hours later or not opening my messages til the following day, where as I just reply when I can becuase I really want to make an effort to maintain a connection/friendship with him. I’m finding it very hard because I’m used to him wanting to talk to me and now it feels like he doesn’t want to, even though he hasn’t said anything negative, his messages are just shorter and sweet. Do you think I should ask him about this? It’s driving me mad that o feel like I’m now part of a game.I feel like I’ve lost the ‘control’ In the situation becuase I don’t know where I stand anymore with him. The last I discussed with him we wanted to be good friends, but I can no longer rely on him and he’s become very distant. How do you think I should approach it?
View related questions: met online, text
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 December 2018):
I don’t think he is playing games, I think he simply decided that if there is no real future here, I’m not going to invest in this woman (you) to the same degree as when there was a potential.You know where you stand. You are trying to be “friends”. You just don’t like that he was able to switch from VERY interested in you and your life as a potential partner to a “hey I know you a little, let’s pretend to be friends until we eventually just stop talking”.HE DOESN’T want to be friends but he is trying the “let’s be friends, until we lose contact and interest. He is letting you down gently. (in his mind).You on the other hand wants to hang on to him in some desperate attempt to keep him as a option. What you had was a BRIEF exciting fling. No more, no less. If you two are so not a good match you really ought to let him go so you BOTH can find BETTER matches. Right now… you are WASTING your time and his. And he is trying to NOT waste your time and his.Let him go.
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