I’ve been friends/acquaintances with a guy for 6 months now. I don’t know him all that well but when we talk we would really get on and have a lot in common. He wow make excuses to come chat to me all the time.
He’s 10 years older than me and quite shy. Not my usual type and not ‘stereotypically good looking’ but I love his personality. Without meaning to sound arrogant or vain (Sorry if I do) but I would say I’m very attractive, get lots of male attention and did modelling when I was younger). Obviously I’m not everyone’s taste, so really sorry if I sound vain. I invited him on a night out with mutual friends a while back and he jumped at the chance, and i noticed he followed me to the bar on two occasions that night to buy me a drink, which made me start to think he likes me more than a friend. He told me he’s not very good with women and mentioned a little about his dating life, but at the time he said this I didn’t give it much thought, I was just enjoying the night with friends. I mentioned it to my friends and they all thought he likes me because of how he is when he is around me. I started to develop a crush over the last few months, and was hoping he might make a move on me. I flirted lightly with him, gave him a few opportunities for him to ask me out. However I just feel that I’m getting nothing in return. He used to make excuses to see me but he hasn’t really done that recently. He did message me first yesterday and we had a nice messaging conversation, but then he hardly spoke a word to me when he saw me today. I’m really nice to him and try to take an interest in what he says. I’ve sent him some lovely messages (not flirty ones but just being nice). Before anyone tells me to ask him out , I feel like I’ve already made it quite obvious I like him, I don’t want to chase him even further. I’ve made more of an effort with him than I’ve ever done with a guy. If anything, he seems to like me less. Or maybe I’m just not his type, I can’t tell. It’s got me quite confused and I don’t know whether I should try to get over him. I like him a lot now and think about him all the time, get excited when I see him, it’s like a school crush all over again (except I’m in my twenties!) He barely said hello to me today and it got me feeling down, should I give up? How can I get over a crush?
View related questions: crush, flirt, move on, shy
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A female reader, Blod + ♥, writes (22 September 2018):
Maybe you’ve made it too obvious that you like him. Shy people can be frightened off when they discover someone fancies them, even if it’s a person they like. (And I agree that he fancies you.) It’s probably scarier for him if you’re very attractive and younger – he may feel intimidated or even that you’re too good for him. He may be caught between wanting your attention and avoiding it.Perhaps you should try calming things down and stop initiating interactions with him. Put the ball in his court. If he likes you, he’ll notice that you’re not giving him as much attention and may make more of an effort with you. If he does this, then I reckon you can be pretty sure he likes you!Ultimately though, I think you should just ask him out. If he’s shy it could take him forever to make a move, even if you give him golden opportunities! At least by asking him out you’ll find out how he feels and you can move things forward one way or another. Good luck!
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A male reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (22 September 2018):
He has explained to you he’s not very good with women. He’s single and in his 30’s. There’s a couple of clues! You don’t explain how you met. Who doesn’t like to chat with a pretty lady? The attention certainly boosts the ego!He’s not shy, he’s romantically-challenged and awkward. He sounds a wee bit introverted; but feels more at ease when you are the one taking-charge. He seems like a 30 year-old virgin, by all accounts. Don’t hold me to that!Has he ever been married? Are you certain he isn’t? Does he share much about himself to give any clues he’s not a serial-killer? I think you’re over-reading his intentions. He may only like you in a friendly-way. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. He may lack the confidence to be with a female of your caliber. So he is happy with just being friends. If a guy doesn’t make a romantic-move within the span of six months, he’s just a friend. Awkward aside!To be honest, when people aren’t forthcoming and readable; I pump the brakes. I really prefer being around people who pickup my signals; and I can read theirs. Too shy is frustrating. I’m not one for guessing-games.Maybe you’re not his type; but you’re in the friend-zone. Being older and average-looking, he could feel you’re out of his league; and just assumes you’re being nice. He’s mature enough to know that sometimes a lady can like you; and be lovely to you, but have no romantic-interest. If flirtations seems to bounce-off. Stop!Take it for what it is, and remain in the friend-zone. Unless he shares more about himself, and sends clearer signals.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 September 2018):
Try and dial it back.He might NOT be used to a pretty girl like you paying him this much attention and actually LIKING him.So I’d back off a little. Have you ever been around horses?If not, let me put this simply. If a horse seems nervous or shy and you want to make “friends” you go towards them but ONLY until they turn away. Once the start to turn away you do a 180 and walk away slowly. You do that over and over until that horse goes:” who IS that person and why am I not scared of her?” and starts to follow you as you walk away.He isn’t good with women. That much you know. So all these “clues” you feel you have given him might have just gone over his head.So you CAN ask him out -for a coffee/beer or something simple. Something that doesn’t sound like a “date”.Or you can back off and see if he picks up the slack.IF he does ask him out for a drink/coffee…If he doesn’t ACCEPT that perhaps he isn’t the guy for you. After all he “speaks” a very different “language” than you and doesn’t seem to have picked up on your interest so what else would he miss? What else would have to spell out?You can like someone, and NOT be a good fit.
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