I’ve been in a committed relationship for all of my adult life (7 years). But alas, she moved away (far away) and left me single. I’ve decided to move on.
Lately, I’ve been seeing a girl I met online. Lets call her Alice. We have shocking amount in common and get along well. It also turns out she’s good friends with one of my colleagues. We’re both successful academics in highly technical, competitive careers. ‘Turbo-nerds’ would probably be the correct term.So what’s the problem(s)?#1: My ex was a fiery red head with tattoos and piercings. Together we threw wild parties and got into all kinds of trouble like kinky sex, weed, even hiding from the cops one time.. I have a hard time imagining Alice being in to those kinds of wild adventures. That’s probably a good thing, but I hear all the time about unhappy couples where one is into partying and the other isn’t. I feel like I’m still young and I still have some party left in me.#2: So far Alice and I have had creative, romantic dates. I havn’t shown her my wild side at all because I’m afraid to scare her off. But her friend (my colleague) knows me very well. If Alice asks her about me, I’m afraid she won’t like what she hears.#3: Alice is 5 years younger than me. I’m almost finished my grad degree and looking for a job. The city I’m in now doesn’t have many employers worth my time so I’ll probably want to move somewhere else. Meanwhile, she’s halfway through her undergrad and is planning to do grad school after (probably somewhere else). Its basically impossible that our paths will align, unless we make them..So, should I hold on to a good thing and see how far it goes? Should I break it off and just be a bachelor until I figure out where I’ll be in a year? Should I not worry so much about partying? I’m pretty sure I already know the answer but I’m curious to know what other people think.
View related questions: met online, move on, my ex, tattoo
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (17 December 2018):
Keep things light with Alice and have fun in the time you have left. Make it clear that there’s no future in this relationship because you’re going one way and she’s going another. Find a job and move on when the time comes.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2018):
It really all depends on if you are ready to and happy to let go of your partying ways or do you feel you will miss it? For all you know Alice might not be all she seems because you are not showing her your true side? If you are planning on moving away and she is staying put do you think a long distance relationship is doable or do you think you will be lured back into the party scene? At the end of the day if you are ready to settle down then you will know, if you have doubts on compatibility, because clearly it would be unfair to ask her to change to suit you and your future plans then i think you already know the answer to your own question
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