My question, Should your spouse come 2nd (God is always 1st) or your adult children? My wife’s daughter (my stepdaughter) is a full on alcoholic/drug addict. For over 3yrs now I have delt with the constant absence of my wife because her daughter insists on my wife coming over and doing whatever it is the daughter asks her to do. More recently it’s been staying 2,3 an 4 nights a week. I have told my wife that she needs to let go of daughter and give our relationship more attention and devotion. My wife insists that if she doesn’t do what her daughter wants then she will not be able to see her grandchildren. This daughter is out of control with reality, has no respect for my wife, calls her every dirty filthy name there is if my wife doesn’t come to her every beckoning call. She has had her 2 children taking away by CPS and placed with the (X-hubby of my wife) to raise. My wife’s daughter will even demand my wife drive her the 100+miles away to where her children are living with my wife’s X-hubby
So she can see her children. Then the daughter will disappear to a bar leaving my wife with her X. I have told my wife that she needs to let the apron strings go and let this child hit rock bottom. We have done everything there is to do find this child including 3 rehab centers and she still comes back and goes right back to drinking and drugging. On several occasions my wife has had to spend the night/s at her X-hubbys’s home bed the daughter disappears to go get boozed/drugged up and doesn’t come back for days. Our marriage has struggled so severely that I am slowly loosing my wife. I have asked and asked my wife to quit running to her daughter’s every beckoning call and give our marriage the commitment that it deserves and me as her spouse the commitment she took vows for at our wedding. I have asked my wife to give US the attention, love, affection and devotion that I give it and put into it. But to no avail does this happen. I have told my wife that I feel as if I only exist if the daughter doesn’t need her for anything. It’s gone to the point where my wife’s X-hubby thinks he can demand my wife go to his place and stay a few days and take care of the grandchildren so he can go play or go somewhere and that really annoys me (I would never think of spending nights on end at my X’s home for even a day let alone up to a couple weeks like my wife has done) but I get told that I’m trying to control her by asking that she please stop and give us the the same commitment that she gives her daughter and the X-hubby. I tell my wife that as a spouse I or her come first when it comes to grown adult children and that neither of us should put our children ahead of our spouse, that our spouse is an should be our number one priority. But I get told that no matter what her children (especially this one) come first then me as the spouse come next. And not that it makes a difference but I have never asked for my wife to work outside of the home, I have enough in retirements so she doesn’t need to, and I slowly see my retirement money go towards the daughter’s utility bills and cell phone bill and food in her fridge ????????Am I right or wrong if I tell my wife that I/US should be come before our children as long as it’s not a life or death situation. Please help with answering my question! I need all the advice I can get at this point.
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