I’ve been with my daughters dad going on 7 years. We have talked about getting married but he’s never proposed or really made that step to commit. We live together and he provides for me and my daughter but when it comes to talking about getting married he sort of holds back. We have talked about having more children and we have been trying to have more but no luck, but now I’m thinking I don’t want to keep having his children if I’m not going to get married to him. I can’t think of a reason why he wouldn’t want to get married. I recently started writing back and forth with an old flame from middle school, and he’s stirring up some feeling for me. I just don’t know if my baby daddy’s lack of commitment is driving me away. What should I do!
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 January 2019):
He IS committed to you. He’s been with you for 7 years, fathered a child with you and supports you AND the child. THAT is commitment. But you also want LEGAL commitment in the shape of marriage. And honestly… You might NOT get that from this guy. Ever. Because he already HAVE the child with you, he lives with you and in all purpose you have a “marriage-like” relationship. He might think a piece of paper won’t make any difference.Depending on your state, you might have a “common-law” marriage. Which means you MIGHT have the same legal rights as if you WERE married, but hat all comes down to WHAT state you are in.However, that might be slightly irrelevant for you as what you REALLY want is to be married, to be his wife.If that is so, WHY did you CHOOSE to have his child before marriage? To LIVE with him for 7 years without marriage?I think you need to let go of the contact with your old flame, that is neither here nor there. And your BF’s resistance to MARRY you… DOESN’T give you the right to EMOTIONALLY cheat on him. I certainly wouldn’t marry someone who was busy chatting up old flames behind my back….You first priority is to SORT out your relationship with your BF. Getting married won’t salvage ANYTHING. So if things aren’t GREAT they way they are… FIX that shit! don’t add another GUY to the mix.DO NOT keep trying for another baby. GET on birth-control and ask him to use condoms. And tell him why you don’t WANT another kid right now.Does he KNOW why you want to get married? Why it’s so important to you? If not YOU TWO need to have that discussion.To me though it seems you are USING the fact that he hasn’t proposed or married you as an EXCUSE for you to cheat.
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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (5 January 2019):
I think it is your developing relationship with your old flame which is driving you away from your boyfriend, just as much, if not more so than his reluctance to commit to you. I think putting having more babies on hold for the time being is definitely a good decision. You also need to decide whether you want to stay in this relationship or whether you have both outgrown it. You got bot together as teenagers (assuming he is same/similar age to you) so you are very different people now to when you first started dating. It is never right to cheat. Decide whether you want to work on this relationship. If so, stop flirting with your old flame. If not then end it kindly and cleanly and move on. Adult life is about making decisions. Cheating while staying in your relationship is NEVER a good or kind decision.
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