A female Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex    age 36-40, *oldDust414 writes:

The Fat Decimator System

I have been in an on – off relationship for 2.5 years, mostly on, and very passionate. The man in question is an MD of a large company, but had just finished with his wife of 20 years when we started our relationship. He told me that they had been living like brother and sister for 4 years and that he was over things and ready to move on.

Somehow our relationship had been on and off, which i was not happy with for obvious reasons. but none the less, he said he couldnt live without me and that he loved me with all his heart. The last time he came back to me i was sure this time it was for good. He didnt have any children and proceeded to behave like he wanted to make one (he knows im fertile as i have children already!) So i was sure he was for keeps this time. I found out i was pregnant but had discussed the possibility with him before as i had a feeling. With which at the time he didnt seem to phased and said we would deal with it together and it would be fine.When i told him he went white and ran off.He has since mentioned me getting an abortion several times and has said that if i keep it he will split with me, of course i am not with him now, but this hurts. I am only 5 weeks and want to keep the baby as i am religious and have had an abortion before, which i havent forgiven myself for. He says he feels boxed in and that this would ruin his future, he feels boxed in and he wants to go on holiday (he says he wouldn’t take a screaming kid) I feel very hurt and abandoned by him and also angry that he has done this to me / us. He wanted to come over and help with some DIY tomorrow, but i cant look at him at the moment so ive asked him to postpone this. Also, he didnt want me to drink!!It may be worth noting that he still works with his ex ( Who couldnt have children).Please give me some advice and perhaps a guys perspective as im so confused. Thanks in advance.

View related questions: abortion, his ex, move on, on holiday

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A female reader, janniepeg Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care-1 Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex     + , writes (29 November 2018):

Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex    I think he wants children someday, but the timing is just bad, because he probably didn’t separate from his wife. There was a sense of urgency for that abortion too. Financially you know he could support his child, there has to be some secret he’s not telling you. Do you know for a fact that they have actually divorced and that he’s not just playing you on the side? Telling you not to drink alcohol is not really caring. In case you kept the child, he doesn’t want the child to have a disability. Some men had been known for sweet talking women about wanting children with them as a pretense that they are loving and caring. It could be seductive talk also. Doesn’t actually mean they want children in real life. From what you wrote he does not sound like he loved you with all his heart. Religion can be an inspiration to people but in your case, it acts as a deterrent for your happiness. If you were really religious, wouldn’t you have postponed sex until marriage? Maybe you used the argument that religion wouldn’t let you use contraception, but then when you got pregnant, you couldn’t have an abortion either. You couldn’t follow religion anymore once you decide to let your temptations and your need for a man to rule your life. Why be religious if you don’t go all the way? The time to worry about sin is when you want to have sex but your partner is not legally committed to you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care-2 Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex     + , writes (29 November 2018):

[EDIT]:”Why didn’t you use condoms or contraceptives; if you weren’t ready for another child?”

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A male reader, WiseOwlE Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care-2 Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex     + , writes (29 November 2018):

First, there is no such thing as an “on and off” relationship. That’s just a connection between two people joined by convenience, co-dependency, and force of habit.Let’s identify it for what it is. You can’t let go of each other for fear of the loneliness, or jealousy that the other might find someone else. Maybe you feel your options are limited by age, having kids, or some other insecurity. So you cling like lint. The saddest and most ridiculous reason is for the sex. You can be addicted to a person like a narcotic drug; and will feed the habit regardless of the bad side-effects.True/solid-relationships don’t take breaks. You learn how to compromise, work through the hard-times together; and you learn how to become a team. Constant stale-mates and impasses are a sign of incompatibility and a poor match! When you can’t talk to a fool; you’re wasting your time being with him, or her.You learn how to work forgiveness into your relationship, and you grow together. You tough-it out through the storms. When it’s right, love is so strong you can endure the typical problems most couples go through. You go back and forth when you don’t know what’s bad for you; because you need a “relationship, no matter how wrong it is. If both aren’t working at it equally, consider it a failure. As futile as trying to revive a dead corpse. LET HIM GO!!!You have kids, so it’s not always easy to get out and find companionship. Your babies’ daddy left long ago, and maybe he doesn’t even care what happens to you. So now, you’ve got some dipstick who wants you to abort; so he doesn’t have to take financial responsibility for his seed. Why doesn’t he use condoms or get a vasectomy? Why didn’t you take use condoms or contraceptives; if you weren’t ready for another child?You kept your other kids. Abortion wasn’t considered then, so why now! He is setting conditions on keeping him, and he still might default on his promise.It depends on how badly you want a man, and how much you’re willing to sacrifice of yourself and your beliefs to keep one. If you have to give more of yourself than the other person is willing to give, you don’t really have them. You’re renting or leasing their time. They’re not invested.You are just getting the full truth of why you should have let-go and stop the cycle of “on and off.” He’s not worth it. Listen to your inner-spirit and trust in your faith. Pray on it, and this will no longer be a problem. He’s a bad-habit, and they are hard to break. Go cold-turkey, so you can flush him completely out of your system.Never judge the future by what you see now. Do good, love your God, your kids, and yourself. If you have faith, you know you’ll receive your just rewards and blessings. Forgive yourself for the past abortion; God forgives you, so He allows you to forgive yourself. He knows you are truly sorry, that’s all He requires.

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A female reader, Honeypie Health And Fitness trying-to-force-me-to-have-an-abortion-but-still-seeming-to-care-2 Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex     + , writes (29 November 2018):

Health And Fitness 98df9f73-904a-4dd9-a948-14179b833b87 Trying to force me to have an abortion but still seeming to care. Relationship & Sex    OP, why were there no contraceptives involved?If he was SO adamant about not having children he could have used a condom EVERY time. And you, could have used birth-control as well.This is irresponsible behavior for people your age. Especially for someone who has already had and regretting one abortion!Sorry, for wagging my finger at you OPAs for your ex? What a selfish idiot! Again, IF he didn’t want kids he should have USED condoms EVERY time and perhaps even considered getting the snip! He wants vacations? So you should terminate the pregnancy? wow, just wow. It’s a little late to make those statements AFTER the cat is out of the bag!You do NOT owe him to have an abortion. But you DO owe it to yourself and your unborn child to think ahead. Can you afford being a single mom with ONE more kid? If so, then I would choose to keep it. And then seek child maintenance after the child is born. He probably won’t be in the child’s life but he DID help make it and should help provide for it.If you can not afford to raise another child, ADOPTION is an option too. You can choose an open or closed adoption and even the future parents. And this option doesn’t make you BAD mom either.And yes, abortion IS another option, but one you really don’t want to repeat and don’t want due to religious and personal beliefs. Which again, IT IS OK.Whatever you decide, you should consider the child and yourself – NOT him. Because ALL he is thinking about is HIM.

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