Recently a friend of mine told me that she saw my boyfriend’s ex working at a nearby shopping outlet. She is working there part time to earn extra holiday cash.
History of my boyfriend and his ex : They remained friends for a whole year after him and I dated. I was totally OK with it, until I found out he never told her that he has a new girlfriend and she was trying to get back together with him the whole time. He also lied to me and sent private messages to her. Finally, I asked him to break contact because his lies and betrayal hurt me a lot while I trusted him to be FRIENDS with her. I wanted us to have nothing to do with her anymore. No more contact.This shopping outlet that she works at, she knows my boyfriend likes going there for holiday sales. When I told my boyfriend that she is working there, I secretly hoped his response was that he would try to avoid that shopping outlet. But he didn’t say that. He even said maybe they can have coffee and chat. This caused me to be very upset and hurt. When I asked why would he still want to meet up with her after how he’s hurt me, his reason was whatever happened was in the past and I should forget it. She doesn’t have a boyfriend now, but I did hear that she dated a lot of different people, each relationship only lasting a few months.Was I expecting too much from my boyfriend?
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 November 2018):
Do you trust him to not cross the line of friendship?Just because SHE wanted to get back together doesn’t mean HE did.You are being a tad controlling IMHO.I get that he shouldn’t have been talking to her after he found out she was still hoping to get back together, he should have NIPPED that in the bud and he SHOULD have told her he is seeing someone new, she probably wouldn’t have made a fool out of herself in trying to pursue him, if she had known.You weren’t “perfectly fine” with him talking to the ex, but you just didn’t have a reason to shut it down. At least in the beginning. Just be honest here.WHO cares if she dated a LOT OF different people? She was single and it’s really none of your beeswax.I think the more you try and CONTROL this the more he will WANT to see her and WANT to push back from you trying to take control.You also set him up for failure, OP which I find a bit.. immature. ” I secretly hoped his response was that he would try to avoid that shopping outlet.”If he is OVER her, having a cup of coffee is not going to change things. After all you claimed to be OK with him being “friends” with an ex when you started dating him.So, here is the crux. He is going to do whatever HE wants to do. YOU have to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.Maybe, instead of all this DRAMA over things that hasn’t even HAPPENED yet, YOU go with him and met her for coffee and you behave lovely and civil. It’s a nice and simple way to “make your territory”.You are in your 30’s… act like it.
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