I don’t really know how to read this situation or move forward with it..
I went on a couple of dates last December with a girl i met online. They went really well, however I had to move away early in the new year for work. We loosely kept in touch as we knew I was going to return to the area towards the end of the year (now). We went for drinks on Friday for the first time since I’ve been back – again it went well, but as we got to the end of the night and as we were about to part ways she said things like: she’s only recently out of something, and got a bit ‘scared’ when we started getting close towards the end. However she said she would like to see me again, but i got the vibe she wasn’t really ready for anything. She ended with a ‘keep in touch’ comment. So it’s a bit confusing – I haven’t been in this situation before. Its hard to tell if it was genuine, or if she was trying to be nice whilst closing the door to me. I don’t want to be a backup guy if thats what she meant by the ‘keep in touch’ comment.Anyway I haven’t texted, as if she’s not over someone else i don’t want to force anything, and if she was rejecting me, then its no use texting anyway.What would be the next move for me? Would appreciate both a male and female perspective 🙂
View related questions: met online, text
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 September 2018):
Did you sort of expect her to sit ion the shelf while you were away in NY?Because that isn’t realistic.She was hurt the LAST time you left, and she is being guarded now because she is unsure if you are off to some place else. She isn’t sure it’s worth it for HER to invest emotionally in you again.So what do you do?Well, instead of going by the “vibe” she is giving you, next time you go out.. TALK and LISTEN. If you are both willing to just go with the flow (keep sex out of it for now until you are BOTH ready and willing to commit).You could plan something casual. A lunch, gallery opening (if either/both of you are into art) or a movie. Give her a weeks notice and ask if she want to join you in whatever it is you have planned. If she doesn’t, then accept it and move on.You only went on a couple of dates so while you might like her, she might not be a good fit at all.
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