Hello, I have a pretty difficult question to ask. My current relationship of 8 years just terminated and I’m pretty devastated. Although we were not married we have lived together for the last 6 and a half years. I’ve been trying to find different coping mechanisms to stay strong but one major thing that keeps pulling me down is when I start imagining a new future without her and with someone new. I know I will eventually get over her and later down the road find someone new.
The issue at hand is I now have herpes. I’m a healthy person otherwise. I contracted this 8 years from the girl that I am separating from. She told me when we first began our relationship and after alot of reluctance I agreed to continue with the new relationship and I eventually ended up contracting it. I didnt mind it at the time because I cared about her so much and I pictured myself getting married to her and believed it would never be an issue since I would stay with her. Now the new issue at hand is now she has terminated the relationship and I find myself with a label probably nobody wants to deal with. I have a nice house, good job, and would consider myself a good catch but then all that seems to go out the window considering I have an sti that is for life and anybody that is intimately involved will end up getting it too.I’m faced with i can meet a girl and have her be into me and having to come forward about having it. Then facing the eww never mind reaction. My question is.. when it comes to meeting new people, when is the best time to come forward about it. I know this will turn potential partners away and that scares me. I feel like it is going to be a very difficult journey to find someone considering they have to be accepting of contracting herpes if they are romantically involved with me. I feel like i am a great person that will be turned away by simply having that label
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2019):
You don’t have to confine yourself to dating sites just for people with herpes . That’s plain ridiculous and ignorant . Does everyone whose EVER had a cold sore would have to go exclusively to herpes dating sites as technically types one ( usually foundbon mouth ) and type type ( usually found on genitals ) CAN be transmitted to the other site and stay in the body forever The people suggesting that just because you happen to have it genitally you need to date ‘ your own kind ‘ shoes the stigma and ignorance around herpes Sure you mind lose someone by telling them but they will only be a person who wasn’t very invested in you in the first place or was one of the ignorant ones ( who you dont want anyway )I’ve had it thirty years , was given to me by my second partner long term who didn’t tell me . Now married with grown kids . Live a healthy happy life last symptoms were probably twenty years ago . Tell someone after a couple of dates and before sleeping with them
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A female reader, Ivyblue + ♥, writes (5 March 2019):
I think there are dating sites for people who also have herpes. Maybe research that for a starting point. As for when you tell them, straight away IMHO. Either way you run the risk of loosing someone.
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