Hello all, I am new here. This is my first post and would appreciate some advice. Sorry if this is long.
I’ve been married to my husband for 11 years and I have been feeling guilty about my past lately. I don’t have a wild past or anything and only had 3 partners. I have told my husband about it but not the circumstances surrounding one of my former partners. It’s nothing crazy as I have never had any ONS, no threesomes, I’ve never even performed oral sex on anyone. I truly do have a tamed sexual background. My problem comes because the memory just all of a sudden started bothering me. When I was in high school I went through a few things on top of having extremely strict parents that I couldn’t really talk to about it. I couldn’t even go out with female friends or school dances all throughout my childhood up until I graduated from HS. It was school then home. Anytime we went out it was embarrassing because I had to always be at the movies or mall with them while everyone else is with other teens. I won’t go into that too much because I’m not trying to make excuses but my mental state was not the best since my parents wouldn’t talk to me about anything they just told me what to do and expected me to listen without having conversations with me or asking me what is going on in my life. They thought locking you in would basically force good behavior. Now back to my story.I made one decision in my past that makes me look like I was easy. I had sex with a guy inside of the school. This didn’t become the word around school or anything. It seems like he didn’t really mention it to anyone but I’m sure he mentioned to his friends at least. If it went around school no one ever mentioned it to me and being as though I knew a lot of people I’m sure someone would’ve informed me of it. The fact that it was inside the school makes me feel so ashamed. Before having sex with this guy I used to talk to a really close friend of his ( no sex, only made out a few times before finding out he had a gf so stopped talking to him.) This is the other thing that I am ashamed of. I feel like if this story ever come up (unlikely as it’s been well over a decade and I am grown and it never was an issue even when it was fresh) it will make my husband feel like I was easier than I let on. I was very withdrawn and socially awkward. I was learning about life on my own without any real guidance of someone I can open up to about what I was dealing with. I feel like every time someone hears a story about a girl having sex inside of a school she’s considered easy or a slut. I don’t like that people judge it so harshly because she can be just a young girl who has made a bad decision like me but people found out about it and treat the girl badly. I am dreading if this guy for some reason still talks about this to this day and my husband somehow hears through some weird grapevine even though he doesn’t know these people in any kind of way, he would assume if I done something that crazy I’ve probably done all type of stuff. This story may not seem like a one time bad choice in some people’s eyes but it truly was, Especially since I went from the one guy to his close friend (this happened months in between and I was already friends for a while with the one I ended up having sex with.) I’m sure they had there talks about me after that. I don’t know why this memory suddenly started bothering me so much. I’m also not sure if the other guy potentially lied about going all the way with me as an ego thing, but never heard or suspected that he would have.
View related questions: oral sex, threesome
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 October 2018):
You are overthinking this 100%.WE ALL (including your husband) have made mistakes and dumb stuff when we were younger, HUMANS can be rather “stupid” and do things they know perhaps isn’t the smartest thing to do, yet we still do them!IT’S human nature.OK so you had sex with a boy on school grounds when you were in high-school, SO what?You really think you are the only girl/boy who did that? The only person who wasn’t a slut… who did that? Because I doubt it. I seriously doubt it.You can’t change the past. It’s done. ACCEPT that you did something you wish you wouldn’t have done or wouldn’t do now. BUT IT WAS 20’ish YEARS ago! So STOP beating yourself up over it.ANY man who wants to BRAG about banging you in high-school… 20’ish years after the fact is an idiot!Is he a friend of your husband? Run in the same circles as your husband?Do you think your marriage will be better if you tell him? If and that is a HUMONGOUS big IF… your husband EVER heard that story and came to you, why not just say THAT was the biggest mistake I made as a teenager, it makes me cringe just talking about it. Can we not dig up old unimportant stuff?Because THAT is what it is.. 1. a mistake 2. old UN-important stuff!You think ONE bad mistake in your teens is something your HUSBAND has to know and approve off?Before you even MET your husband. Probably even before you ever laid EYES on your husband. WHY would he have ANY right to judge that ONE mistake? You are after all more than willing to beat yourself up over it.At some point OP, you have to let the past BE the past and let it go.You have been married for 11 years so honestly… if you feel you HAVE to clear your guilt TALK to your priest, a counselor because your husband doesn’t NEED to know this to LOVE you. And not knowing is NOT going to make a difference.YOU are not a SLUT for something you did 20+ years ago. You are not a bad person or a bad wife either. SAY to yourself if the thought of what happened pops in your head, stuff happens time to move on. I wasn’t perfect (no one is) and that is OK.Your husband knows you and I don’t think he will ASSUME anything bad IF he ever heard about it.
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