I’ll just jump right into it.
Basically, I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months. Been a few bumps along the way (pretty much all on my side but nothing too serious, some problems with trust due to past etc.) but that’s aside from my point. When we first got together the sex was really great and he really cared about taking the time and actually trying to please me. Now it’s changed I’ve noticed, the sex is almost always… predictable. By that I mean there’s no surprise.. it nearly always starts with us getting together at the end of our days, maybe having some dinner, and cuddling up on the couch for a movie. Then sooner or later he will make a sort of sexually suggestive joke, or just flat out start poking me. And then it usually just goes from there, I mean, we try anyway… he doesn’t really take much time to get me in the mood, and I’m not even sure if he’s in the mood either, or if he just wants to do it for the sake of….hey it’s there we might as well get that dealt with. So as a result sometimes it doesn’t always ‘work’, I won’t really be into it so it usually hurts a little bit. If there is any foreplay at all I usually feel like he’s rushing through it, like he just wants to get to the main event. And then, when that time finally does come, he’s not super into trying anything new..or even just going to a different place rather than one of our beds. I have kind of talked to him about it, and explained why I don’t really think it works for me, and maybe if he could try taking it more slowly and paying a little more attention to me, but I wouldn’t be here writing this if the talking worked. So I’m not sure if he’s just not into me anymore, or maybe if I’m doing something wrong? Or maybe he’s just super excitable? I think that’s about all I can say… any advice is greatly appreciated.
View related questions: foreplay, in the mood
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2018):
Sounds like he got lazy and perhaps just goes thru the motions.But so do you.Sex is between the two of you, so have you tried to take control a little and set the tempo?When talking to a partner about sex it’s always good to point out the “good stuff” that you miss him doing. He might take what you say as calling him a bad lover.Try and “seduce” him and set the tempo, when he does thing you enjoy, praise him, when he does thing you don’t take over again.See if it works, if not… what then?
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