It will be two years in February since i stopped talking to my mother. Myself and my sister found out she had been telling a lot of strange lies about us behind our backs for years. I always thought the rest of the family and family friends were very distant but I just put it down to growing apart over time. Then realising it’s because of her often very malicious lies. It seems she used us to get attention playing the victim. But when confronted she said she had nothing to apologise for she even got angry. I have seen this behaviour directed at others before but she always acted completely different to our faces. I knew what kind of person she was but because she was my mum I stood by her but the level of lies meant I couldn’t trust her. So we gave her the option to apologise for everything and set it straight and we could move on but she said no. So here we are two years later. Why would a mother do this to her own children? Why are we do discardable ?
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A female reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 November 2018):
That is a question only she knows the answer to. It sounds like your mother is a selfish person and she has gotten used to playing the victim and that didn’t change when use discovered the truth. In her head she still felt the victim and still felt like the world was against her and that her children where now ganging up on her. Unfortunately you are never going to change her and she is always going to play the victim. She loves people having pity on her. I think the best thing for you to do now is to live your own life the best that you can, and however hard it is if your mother is bringing you down then you are best not having her in your life however hard and heartbreaking that it is.
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (28 November 2018):
Your mother trades in victimhood. Chances are, she’s a pity vampire and the people she spends time with give her the pity parties that feed her. So, she needs a constant source of fresh victimhood in order to get the pity flowing. What better source of victimhood is there than children that are doing her wrong? I can’t think of one.Your mom is selfish. That’s it. You don’t understand it because you’re not selfish and you couldn’t do that to your child. The thing is, your attempt to get her to apologize simply feeds her victim narrative. I can imagine her saying “Can you believe my ungrateful children actually expected me to apologize for them abandoning me?” Pity faucets, activate. Sink fangs into the flow and suck up the pity. The thing is, if you never said a word, then she’d be like: “I sacrificed everything for those kids and they repay my love by abandoning me!” Fake crying and manufactured Tears complete the ensemble. Pity faucets, activate…My mother does something similar to me. She tells my aunts about how I don’t visit enough and gets them upset at me. They then send me angry texts. I laugh about it and tell them that they are being played. My mom also tries to lay guilt trips on me and I just chuckle and tell her “OK mom, whatever makes you feel better about things.” It just rolls off me like water off of a duck’s back. I don’t get upset at my mom for it, it’s just part of who she is and it’s not worth it to me to end my relationship over things she says about me that I couldn’t care less about. I don’t care what my aunts think of me either. They think my mom is a saint because they feel a lot of guilt over things I won’t get into, but they think that by granting my mom sainthood, they somehow absolve themselves from their guilt. I find it all pretty comical.
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