Me and my best friend have known each other for 20 years. We are neighbours, we have grown up together. Throughout our lives, we have taken different paths but we always meet again, and things have been fine.
I had been working at my job for 3 years. When one day, One of the members of my staff, who works under me, by pure co-incidence met my best friend.My best friend recognised his uniform and immediately struck up a conversation, and offered to walk with him home so they could talk more.Next day at work, my colleague came to me quite disturbed, he said I have something to say: “you often tell me, about your best friend, and how amazing he is, and how long you have been friends with him, however, he spoke to me yday and he has some negative things to say about you and your not as successful” (I asked him how he knew, he said your friend told me)I was so shocked.Let me summarise, I have known :-my colleague for 6 months. -my friend for 20 yearsMy colleague and friend had known each other for 10 minutes. Why would my friend embarrass me like that? Bottom line is my colleague told me to watch out, that was it. He was surprised how helpful my friend was and eager to display my faults to a member of staff that works below me. I have not confronted him and what good will it do. Any advice apart from lowering my life standards so he is not jealous?
View related questions: at work, best friend, co-worker, jealous, neighbour
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A male reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (26 November 2018):
I once made the mistake of trusting someone I knew for a few days over someone I knew for many years. The new person accused my friend of saying negative things about me. I confronted my friend with the allegation and he flatly denied it and was extremely pissed off at me. It turned out that the new guy lied and I should’ve given my friend the benefit of the doubt. I had to do quite a bit of well deserved grovelling on that one!Your case is slightly different in that you’re implying that he was given information about you that you believe he couldn’t have gotten anywhere except from your friend. However, I would still err on the side of your friend. I would start the conversation by saying “Hey, one of the guys that works for me said the two of you met the other night.” Then let the conversation flow naturally from there. Try to steer him into revealing what was said without overtly asking. It might be that your friend doesn’t consider what he revealed to be all that controversial. You might even find out that your subordinate was asking all kinds of questions about you. I really can’t judge from the snippet you provided since saying you’re “not as successful” isn’t really all that controversial to me. Frankly, it’s so generic, I wonder if it was even said at all. I mean, if you’re giving us the full quote and not leaving anything out, then that seems like a generic thing that could apply to anyone, including me. I mean, what does it really mean to say that someone isn’t as successful? As successful as what specifically? Is your subordinate leaving you to fill in the blanks to something specific?In my case, the new guy was just a sociopath who liked to cause problems between friends. It may well be the case that your friend never said anything bad about you and your subordinate is also a sociopath saying something generic with the expectation that you’ll assume something that was never said and confront your friend. What does your subordinate stand to gain from it? Who knows what motivates a sociopath? He may just get off on destroying relationships.Now don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that your subordinate is a sociopath. I’m just saying it’s one of a multitude of possibilities you need to consider and you need to give your friend the benefit of the doubt. You should try to get your friend to reveal what he said without accusing him of anything until you’re absolutely sure that what you were told is true.
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A female reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 November 2018):
Seems like your “friend” isn’t much of a friend after all.Would i confront him? Yes, and I’d probably drop him as a friend afterwards.The saying “with friends like that… who needs enemies?” comes to mind.With that said, I think your “friend” is jealous of you.
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